Important Life Lessons and What's To Come In 2023

Important life lessons are perfect when it comes to reflecting on the past year.

First things first — wow. If you’re reading this, you survived 2022. What a year.

Some of us thrived. But ultimately, we all survived. And if surviving is all you could muster this year, give yourself permission to accept and be okay with it. 2022 was a crazy 365 days — we battled economic inflation, it seemed like everyone I knew was sick at some point, and there has been a lot of pivoting back from the COVID pandemic. Whether you spent the year working on yourself, your business, or simply keeping your head afloat — it's all hard work and you should give yourself credit where credit is due.

As I look ahead to the new year, I have to say that 2023 feels monumental. First, my mother, daughter, and I are all celebrating milestone birthdays in 2023. My mom turns 85, my daughter turns 16, and I am turning 50. To me, 2023 is going to be a year of new chapters in this thing called life. With 2023 about to kick off another year of significant milestones, I've been reflecting on many important life lessons that stand out to me. Here are six things I know to be true:

1. You don't have to have all your shit together

Sarah Knight, author of "Get Your Shit Together: How To Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need To Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do," said it best: "Let it be known that not having your shit together doesn't automatically make you a bad person."

Recognizing that you don't have all your shit together is a powerful acknowledgment. Not having all your ducks in a row or everything buttoned up doesn't make you less of a person — it just makes you human. Embrace the humanity of not having all the dominos in a perfect line at all times. In fact, there can be beauty in a little bit of chaos and the unknown.

In 2023, if there is anything I can help my daughter learn, I hope it is that paths are excellent guides to follow but sometimes we have to veer off in a different direction to get to where we want to go. I want my daughter to feel confident in determining what path to take and how to get there, even if it doesn't look like the original route she planned.

2. You don't have to care what other people think

Do you know how much time I've spent in my life caring about what other people think? LAWD...so much time, SO much time. But the older I get, the more I realize the important life lesson of not giving in to the opinions of others. To not care about what other people think is to live a better, more meaningful life on your own terms.

Meryl Streep once said, "The minute you start caring about what other people think is the minute you stop being yourself" and I agree. I think when we get in our heads about what other people think, we risk losing focus of ourselves. It's easier to be yourself than to be someone else, even if it feels scary to live authentically and true to your personal core.

And if all fails, remember — opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

3. You do need to establish boundaries

While boundaries may be hard to set, they are absolutely necessary. Trust me — that's one of the biggest important life lessons I learned earlier on. To truly protect your peace of mind (which you will want to do), boundaries are required in relationships. To establish your own healthy boundaries, tap into your self-awareness and get clear about your personal expectations of yourself and others (including what you will and will not be comfortable with in specific situations or interactions).

If you're new to boundary setting, here are some examples of what healthy boundaries include:

• Declining anything you don’t want to do
• Expressing your feelings responsibly
• Talking about your experiences honestly
• Replying in the moment
• Addressing problems directly with the person involved, rather than with a third party
• Making your expectations clear rather than assuming people will figure them out
  
  Finally, I know how hard it can be to set boundaries with family members, friends, and people in your inner circle, but your relationships will be healthier and more fruitful with boundaries intact.

4. Surround yourself with people who light you up

Life is too short to spend it alongside people who aren't adding light and joy to your life on a regular basis. Of course, things can't always be rosy, but overwhelmingly, you need a positive, supportive circle around you. You need people who will protect and carry you when you need help, no matter the heavy load on your plate. You need people who will lift you up, even when you've fallen down and don't think you can get back up.

One of the important life lessons that I wish I learned earlier is that having fewer friends doesn't mean anything except the opportunity to build more profound connections with those who are actually in your life. While having a ton of friends may make you feel like the most popular kid in school, if those relationships aren't quality connections — are they really adding any significance to your life?

Last but not least, since relationships are a two-way street, remember that you also have to light and support others around you. Let the abundance of love in your life drive the way you love and support others.

5. Set goals but never underestimate the hard work ahead

Nobody said setting goals was easy. Like it or not, goal setting is one of those important life lessons to help you achieve your goals. In my mind, goals are how you level up in this life.

Additionally, it doesn't matter if you're going after something big for your business, like launching a new product, or you're working towards personal health goals, goal setting can give you the jumpstart to achieve your dreams. If you're new to goal setting, here's the best way to go about it in the new year:

• Think of something you want to do or work towards — it doesn't have to be too big or too small, you get to make this decision.
• Write down your goals and carefully craft a plan around what you want (and what you don't want), how you plan to get there, and how you achieving this specific goal will make you feel. The more specific you are, the better. For example, instead of saying "I want to start a garden this spring," specifically set your intentions: "I want to plant lettuce, carrots, peas, cucumbers, bell peppers, and pineapple sage in my garden by the end of April."
• Tell a friend, coworker, family member, or anyone you trust about your goal because once you share your goal, you'll increase the likelihood that you'll stick with it in the long term.
• Break your goal down into steps and plan to tackle your goal step-by-step.
• Tackle the first step. Sometimes taking the first step is the hardest, but once you do it — it's water under the bridge.
• Keep going. And keep going.
• Celebrate accordingly when you've reached your goal. Relish in the sweet taste of victory!

Feeling totally overwhelmed by your goals or feeling like you can't work through them right now? It's okay to pause and take specific goals off the table. While goals are marvelous motivation tools, sometimes they can feel like a burden. Also, if your goals aren't motivating you or you feel like they're just looming above your head, that's okay too.

6. Self-care is not selfish

Anyone who considers self-care selfish is wrong. First, self-care is a necessity in this life (and I hope you feel the same way too). Second, carving out time to take care of yourself should be a priority — and learning this important life lesson has been a blessing in helping me stay grounded.

Self-care can look like many different things. Here are some of my favorite self-care ideas:

1. Call or text someone you love
2. Journal about how you’re feeling
3. Listen to your favorite music
4. Go for a long walk in nature
5. Cook or order in your favorite meal
6. Read a book
7. Light your favorite candle
8. Do a digital detox
9. Stretch
10. Try a new face mask
11. Buy yourself flowers
12. Exercise in a way that feels good for you
13. Turn on a diffuser with your favorite essential oils
14. Watch the sunset
15. Go for a drive (no destination required)
16. Sleep with a weighted blanket
17. Let yourself have a good cry (sometimes we need it)
18. Bake a delicious treat
19. Cuddle with a pet
20. Unfollow people on social media who aren’t serving you

Finally, next time you feel guilty for taking time out of your schedule for some self-care, keep what Audre Lorde said in mind: "Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation."

New year, new you

Even though I'm equipped with these important life lessons as we headed into 2023, I know this for certain: I’m going into the new year knowing it’s a marathon, not a sprint. And I know that in order to succeed, I will need to pace myself and take breaks along the way to keep going.

What about you? What are you thinking about as the new year looms ahead?