The Great Big Pause
This blog post, titled The Great Big Pause, is a reflection of the crossroads that I currently find myself. It’s the point where my peak physical performance, perimenopause, and untreated health conditions collided, bringing me to a standstill.
I don’t even know where to start with this because my head is no longer working like it used to, but I guess addressing the underlying issues will be a good approach.
The Bubbling Factor
For the last two years, I have said I’m dizzy when I stand up. We laugh about it. For the past six years, if my husband and I would get sick, even with a common cold, he would improve in a week, and it would take me almost two additional weeks. Again, we laugh at how compromised my immune system is. It never dawned on me to find the cause of any of this. I take supplements to try to combat this stuff.
Dehydration has been a constant battle for me, a struggle that I've been losing due to hated to water. It's ironic that the simplest form of self-care, besides sleep, is the one I find most challenging.
My husband and I could be hiking and exerting ourselves, and my heart rate would be 165, and he would be 75. I never really focused on it. We would stop, let me regroup, and keep going.
Undiagnosed anemia has been silently wreaking havoc on my body for years. The 2023 numbers revealed the truth, but no action was taken. This has led to my body struggling to get enough oxygen and heal properly. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were not recognized.
So, where did the immune issues, dizziness, and anemia come from? I had lap band surgery 15 years ago. And here’s a terrible secret that I’ve held onto. I’ve thrown up almost every single day since then. I know it’s bad. I am sure that is the root of so much stuff happening to my body right now.
Perimenopause started in my mid-40s, and now, at 51, it is still here wreaking havoc. I would say the biggest issues are
Mood changes like my anxiety came back with a damn vengeance
Vaginal dryness
Tire around my waist that wouldn’t go away
Hair thinning
Brain fog with a tie for the worst, heavy periods with my delivering aliens
My OBGYN said to me, take birth control; you’ll be fine. That’s the ONLY way to go. It was strange because when I got my hormone panel done in 2023 (not by him, but I had to pay out of pocket for it), my estradiol was so low that I was either prepubescent or POST menopause. Neither of which I was in. It’s still the case.
In 2023, I had a sonogram (not the kind you get when you’re pregnant, but an INTERNAL one) completed, and it was determined I had menorrhagia. Take a wild guess what happens when it’s untreated? Menorrhagia can lead to anemia, a blood condition that can cause tiredness and shortness of breath. I was off birth control pills for about 7 months, riding high, thinking that I was done with the pause, and my period came back with a FURY. It started Thanksgiving, and it ended last week. You heard me. And even getting on birth control didn’t stop it. IT DID NOT STOP MY PERIOD. I AM NOW TAKING TWO PILLS A DAY. Oh, I had this same sonogram done a couple of weeks ago, and now I have fibroids along with that. Do you know what the OBGYN said? Keep taking the birth control. Groovy.
I will leave this tidbit here because it helps make sense of the GREAT BIG PAUSE. Perimenopause is the transitional period before menopause. During perimenopause, levels of estrogen start to decrease. During perimenopause, changing estrogen levels can also affect how the body manages iron (14). Estrogen helps the body absorb iron by lowering a hormone called hepcidin, which usually slows down iron absorption. When estrogen levels drop, hepcidin levels can rise, making it harder for the body to absorb iron from food (15). This, combined with heavy bleeding—which is common during this time—can lead to iron deficiency because the body uses up iron stores faster than it can replace them.
Cue Rocky’s Theme Song
In 2024, I focused on my fitness. After my Dad died, I knew that I needed to focus on my health, with fitness, sleep, and supplements being the focal points. I worked out 5x a week. Then, I had a goal to do the Turkey Trot 5k. For 8 weeks, I pushed myself hard, trying to get my pace to a number I would be proud of. I went from a 14-minute mile to an 11:30-minute mile in 8 weeks. That’s phenomenal to shave that much time off your number.
So you have my underlying conditions, with anemia probably being the worst one, which means my body isn’t getting enough oxygen. I had a high platelet count (unbeknownst to me), and I was pushing my body like a damn CHAMP.
I have not been able to work out like I have all year since the Turkey Trot. I went on a decline after that. I worked out, but it was walking and a recumbent bike. I couldn’t get the energy to do what I was doing before.
Where it Falls Apart
My cognitive also has been on the decline too. Honestly, that part scared me. After the new year, I couldn’t form sentences anymore. It was a struggle to do everyday functions. My chest hurts more, and I’m always tired. My favorite time of the day is early morning. I have long forgotten those. I would sleep all morning. I’m still in this space with my mornings and hate it. I miss rising and shining and getting shit done.
I first reached out to my OBGYN, and he was a total waste of time. I got what I needed from him in terms of tests. Then I got my annual physical done with your regular panel, and the numbers came back with extremely low IRON, high platelet count, extremely low protein, low hemoglobin, and other things. Here’s the kicker. My GP didn’t see me even though she was supposed to. Her NP did, and what a blessing in disguise. That’s because she actually listened to me.
I am having two tests done on my heart this week, a c-scan on my abdomen next week to see what’s going on with the 15-year-old lap band with any erosion, and I have an appt with a hematologist. I’m getting one with a reproductive health doctor to get on HRT therapy. I also made an appt with a new OBGYN because mine SUCKS. I want to talk to her about taking care of the fibroids and lining, whether it’s an ablation or something else. My insurance will pay for a nutritionist so I can get on a high iron, high protein lifestyle to feed my body and mind.
I have a feeling I never gave my body the nutrients it needed. So you add that, fucking perimenopause, and it’s a shit storm. I’m going to be fine.
This Is Your Sign
I am not writing this for a pity party. I fucking hate victim mentality people. I’m writing this for the women who think they’re losing their minds when they know something is wrong. For the women who don’t know what to do, OR they have doctors who tell them just to pop a pill, and everything will magically be fine. You need to advocate for yourself and listen to what your gut tells you. Find the root of what’s happening; otherwise, guess what? That shit is going to come back to get you. I promise you that. I’m in the Great Big Pause of my life because of it. Make yourself your top priority. Everyone and everything else will fall in line.
If you need a sign, this is it.
