Turning 50: 50 Things I Know To Be True

Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.

— David Bowie

Like the quote above, I feel I’ve been able to peel away. I’ve spent the last couple of years on a healing journey with the help of my therapist. This past year, I pushed myself to deal with past traumas to find some healing because, in my mind, I’m going to be 50, and I deserve to live life freely and to the fullest, so here we go.

Since turning 50, I thought I would write a blog post about some observations, wisdom, and nuggets I’ve learned along the way. This turned into a list of 50 that I categorized; honestly, I have a story for each. Still, I’ll write a few sentences because one is a book, and the other is a blog post. HA! I hope these little nuggets help you.

Career

Here are some of my career reflections after turning 50:

1. Don’t be a slave to work. When my daughter was really young, I was clearing $150k and traveling once a week for work. I literally never was home. I LOVED it. I loved my career. When I got laid off from that gig after a merger, she told me when she was in 3rd grade, Mommy, please don’t ever get a job like that; I never saw you. OUCH. It’s not worth it. The MONEY is not worth it. I promise you that. No one will remember the coin you had, only the time and attention you spent.
2. Never say, that’s not my job. I see this a lot. And people getting pissy, too. When I waited tables in my early twenties, I would clean dishes, bus tables, hostesses, and whatever was needed to get the job done. I remember early on someone saying don’t feel like you’re above doing anything. And that’s how I’ve rolled. I feel like it all comes around. But don’t look at the janitor and be like OHHH, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. You’re not above that job. Sometimes, we do things for the greater good. And that’s it.

Money

Turning 50 was a great opportunity for me to focus on what I have learned. When it comes to money, this is what I know:

1. Spend below your means. You know, recently I realized that I wasn’t worried about money for the first time. It’s a good feeling, and took a lot of hard work and sacrifice. It’s a mindset. My husband always says we can’t afford “that.” We can most likely afford whatever that is, but if you continue to say you can’t, you won’t be broke and have credit card debt up to your eyeballs. Don’t be chained down to money.
2. If you’re a woman, make sure you can earn your own coin. Listen, ladies, there are many side hustles out there that we can do with the limited time we have. I have always been able to provide for myself, even when it was just me and my daughter without a man’s help. I personally think that it’s important for women to earn, even if it’s a little change. It’s been my mindset from day 1. Plus, you never want a partner to dangle the purse on you. To feel like you can’t leave or can’t even buy some mascara at CVS without them saying something. Get yours. Always.

Relationships

Relationships aren’t easy, but they are worth it. After turning 50, here’s what I know about relationships:

1. Your kids will emulate your relationship as parents with their future partners. Is this a generalization? Yes. If a dad treats the mom like shit, and she takes it (or vice versa), your kid will think this behavior is okay. Cut the shit out. Either get help or leave, but don’t let your kids see behaviors they will carry on to the next generation.
2. You can’t change a person. Who they are is who they are. Oh honey, I learned this the hard way. Friendship or partner, you are not going to change them. The only person who can change them is them. So before you get into something, make sure you can deal with the person’s quirks, issues, etc.
3. In relationships, someone navigates, and someone co-pilots. This switches all the time, even by the minute, but you can’t both be the captains. The co-pilot needs to trust the person navigating and say, “Hey, listen, I need you to take over right now for a bit. Truly, it’s an ebb and flow.

More relationship nuggets at age 50:

1. Put your relationship first. I didn’t get it until my current husband. Your kids will eventually fly the coop (generalizing), and you’ll be with your partner for the remainder of your life. Putting your kids before the relationship will be a rough road when the kids leave. You’re going to be looking at that person and thinking, now what and who are you, and who am I if I’m not mommy. There have been studies about this.
2. Relationships take work. This is friendships, spouses, and family members. It all takes work. Because it takes work, chose your inner circle wisely and focus time and love accordingly.
3. We all need fellowship. You need more people in your life than just your spouse. Yes, relationships take work, but there’s something extraordinary when women connect with other women and vice versa with men or whatever gender you identify with. Find your tribe, send lots of memes, and grab coffee when you can.
4. Love is love. I wasn’t sure if this needed to be here or not, but here it is. You should be able to love whoever the hell you want to love. I don’t care. I accept you. And if you don’t have that type of acceptance with loved ones, hit me up. I’ll be your mom.

Getting Real

Part of turning 50 means getting really real — about everything. Here are some truth bombs I wanted to share:

1. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Are you the type that wants EVERYONE to like you? And then you get sad when someone doesn’t, OR you get the vibe that you’re not wanted? They’re just not that into you, and that is okay. I personally think that our energy will align with the right people.
2. I would rather get things done (GTD) than sit around and be lazy. I come from a GTD family. I taught my daughter this early on. If your mentality is, I’ll get to it, you’re not going to. Let’s be honest. Bust what needs to be done and call it a day.
3. There’s a difference between needing rest and being lazy. We all need rest. I think it’s essential, if you’re GTD’ing regularly, take downtime to regroup. If someone says they don’t need rest, they’re liars. We all need downtime. Put the phone down, put your PJs on, and watch your favorite reality TV show; you deserve it.
4. If you haven’t busted your ass, don’t ask someone to bust their asses for YOU. I’ll never forget commenting to my Dad that I struggled with money in my early twenties because I wanted to live a certain way. He’s like, get another job then. And so I did. If you want something and you haven’t done everything you could in your power to get it, GTD and get it fucking done. Don’t take from someone else because it’s easier.

Additional thoughts:

1. People who make you the villain in their story, let them. I used to want to tell my side of the story with conflicts, but now I let it go. The people who know me know me. They show me grace (and I to them), know my heart and get it whatever the IT is. You can’t change perceptions only your own actions. Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.
2. Being a straight shooter is a gift and a curse. Recently, I said this exact statement to my daughter. I am honest to a fault (so is she), but when you’re that way, you must read the room. Some people can’t handle the straight shooter. They need a warm and fuzzy person to tell them what they want to hear. We are not those people. I will be honest with you and give you solutions, and I feel like that’s a gift, but if someone doesn’t want to hear it, it’s a CURSE.

Self-Growth

When you’re turning 50, self growth is absolutely top of mind:

1. You are worthy. This is actually a mantra that I often tell myself. When I get in my head, I start to think, I’m not worthy of this life, my relationships, etc., but I am worthy of it ALL. My faith has brought me closer to this, and my husband and I are grateful for this. I try to remember it when the anxiety and worry set in.
2. Boundaries are love. Love for yourself and perhaps love for the other person. It took me this year to figure this out. I even talked to my Pastor about it. If someone isn’t good for your mental health, lies about you, or is just ugly with you, you don’t need to be in their space. Love yourself enough to give space between you and that person. If other people can’t respect that around you, that’s on them, not you. Additionally, you need people who are in YOUR CORNER, not against you. Period.
3. Put yourself first. There’s no one else who is going to do that. Your most significant love affair should be with yourself. All in all, it’s not selfish — it’s self-worth.

More nuggets from Holly about turning 50:

1. Stop saying, “You’re sorry.” Firstly, let me preface this: why are we always saying sorry for stupid shit? I seriously must say sorry to people at least 30 times a day. Here’s what happens when we’re saying that. You end up having a mindset that you’re always wrong. It will eat you up. Say sorry when you fuck up, make someone feel bad, etc, but you didn’t get food on the table at precisely 5pm… don’t you dare say sorry.
2. Be your own advocate. I taught this to my daughter, and by middle school, she was telling teachers and principals when she needed something OR was uncomfortable about something. Use your voice. I promise you, people will respect you. You might not get what you want, BUT you at least tried.
3. Your parents tried. They are a product of their upbringing. I truly understood this once I had my child. I think it’s easy to blame our parents for everything, but you are a driver of your life. You need to see them for who they are, thank them (even if it’s in your head) for the life they gave or didn’t, and move on. They did the best they could with what they had.

Another six self-growth realizations:

1. It’s okay to ask for help. I’m still not good at this, but I’m trying. We all need assistance in our lives. Sometimes, you can help, and other times, you need it. Here’s a cool thing about this. When you take someone’s help, you make them feel worthy and purposefully. Don’t take that away from them. Ask for help!
2. Stay positive in the storm. The storm teaches you something, and eventually, it stops raining.
3. Give grace. Lawd, this is a struggle for me, BUT I know I have to give grace because sometimes you will need someone to provide YOU with grace. We all fuck up. No one is perfect. However, this doesn’t mean not giving up on boundaries. This implies acceptance of shortcomings, and that’s it.
4. Don’t use your past as an excuse for your future. Yesterday is done. You can’t change it, whether it was yesterday, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, etc. Learn from your past and make tomorrow better.
5. Vulnerability is not a bad thing. Listen, I’m putting this on here to remind myself to stay vulnerable. That’s the sweet spot where you are your most authentic self, and you can let people in who are supposed to be there.
6. Be present. Life is short. You don’t realize how fast it is. In the blink of an eye, I have a 16-year-old daughter and almost an 85-year-old mother. Stay present with loved ones and the day-to-day of life. If you live in the past or worry about the future, you won’t appreciate the now and the people in it.

Spirituality

Spirituality is important to me. As I started my journey turning 50, these are some of my spiritual awakenings:

1. You are all the generations before you. I wasn’t sure where to put this, but this category felt right. I think about this a lot. Past generations made sacrifices and moves for you. They wanted a better life for themselves and their future family. The word that comes to mind with this is faith. There was faith in their steps, just like ours now. One day, a long time from now, someone will be telling your story and using it for their own sense of faith. Be purposeful and with gratitude for the ones before us.
2. Practice gratitude every day multiple times a day. Thank God (or whatever higher power) for the good and bad things. See what happens when you thank the universe daily for what’s happening.
3. Have a faith practice. I won’t sit here and tell you that you need to believe in the same religion as me. There are many religions out there, and some don’t believe in any type of God. You do you. Here is what I’m saying. Find a practice like prayer or meditation and practice that regularly. It’s important that we tap into “the source” and let go of what’s on our hearts and let in what the source tells us.

Health

First and foremost, health is everything. If you have your health, you have a lot to be grateful for. Since turning 50, here are some health-focused thoughts that have pressed my mind:

1. Health is wealth. If you were to look at the money my husband and I spend, I would say our health takes a large piece of the budget. I want to live as long as possible at the best possible level, which requires me to focus on my health. If you’re feeling good, and your body is moving at a good pace, your mind is on point, you can do anything. That is WEALTH.
2. Drink water. Literally, the best self-care practice that you can do, and I suck at it. Water gives you energy, helps you sleep better, makes your systems work harder and stronger, etc. WATER. Drink until your pee doesn’t look yellow. Done.
3. Sleep is life. People make fun of me with this one. I try to wake up and sleep simultaneously daily to keep my circadian rhythm aligned. This is another self-care practice that is free and also helps you live at your optimum speed. Don’t make excuses with this one. Our bodies are trainable.
4. Menopause is real. We don’t talk enough about what happens to women during this stage of their lives. It’s brutal on your body, mental health, and almost every aspect of your life. Talk to your girlfriends about it. Talk to your family. Normalize menopause so we can all not look like crazy people.

Even more health nuggets to remember:

1. Move your body. Every day, do something. I don’t care if it’s walking, jumping rope, or whatever it is; get time to get the blood flowing. It will help you feel better in all aspects of life.
2. Stress kills. As I’m popping all these pills daily, I realize that I should have gotten my stress and anxiety under control decades ago. Your body can’t handle 24/7 stress. It will break it down to the point of no return.
3. Therapy doesn’t make you weak. Mental health issues and dealing with them doesn’t make you soft; it actually makes you stronger. It’s okay to talk to an expert to work through your past and current stuff you deal with so you can have a better life. If you have insurance and have told yourself, I have ______ (fill in the mental health issue), go get help. You’re worth it.
4. Sometimes, you need regular medicine, but alternative medicine is available too. Because of my industry, I’ve seen both sides of this coin. I have helped people with cancer, sleep disorders, anxiety, pain management, and other issues through plant medicine. But I also know that sometimes we just need regular medication to manage what we’re dealing with, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Everything Else I Know To Be True

Whether it’s traveling or connecting with your community, do what moves you. Since turning 50, here are some things I know for sure:

1. Give back. Whether it’s money or time. In high school, one of the requirements was community service. When you help someone less fortunate than you, you realize how amazing your life is. The same thing can be said with coins. Find a charity or charities that speak to you and give them a piece of your annual salary. You’re like, I can’t afford that. Don’t buy Starbucks, don’t buy takeout, don’t get on Amazon or Temu, and you’ll find the money even if it’s $10 a month. HELP OTHERS. You never know when you’re on the flip side.
2. A song can mend your heart or break your heart in less than 3 minutes. Never forget the power that music can have on your soul. Create playlists that you can tap into based on what you need. It can help you heal, give you positivity, and put a smile on your face.
3. Sometimes, you can get away with generic; other times, name brands are the only way to go. I know I said you gotta live below your means but get the damn Heinz ketchup and not the store brand. There’s a difference, and you deserve that difference. Another one is Cheez-Its. Nasty.
4. Travel as much as you can. Travel within your means, but travel to new places. You get out of your bubble and can better appreciate other people’s cultures and religions.
5. You’re never too old to try something new. Seriously, my Dad is 78 and getting his real estate license. You are never too old. It keeps our brain chugging. And additionally, it also keeps us young at heart.

What else I’ve learned by turning 50:

1. Be teachable at any age. We can always learn new things. I talked about my Dad and real estate. We should constantly expand our minds and hearts with new practices or ideas. I feel like we are in a stage where everyone is my way or the highway. Be open to learning and being taught something different. It will help you and the others around you when we’re open.
2. We all need an element of fun and playfulness at any age. Don’t be the old fuddy-duddy that is a sour puss. There’s still life left to have fun and play. My 85-year-old mother has gone to concerts with my daughter, plays with her great-grandchildren on the floor, and will make funny sexual comments to my Dad. I think that’s how she’s remained so young at heart. I plan on following her lead because I want to live life fully with joy and fun!
3. Aging is not a bad thing; embrace it! I am so excited to be turning 50. I feel the best I’ve ever felt mentally and physically. I’m my most authentic self, know my purpose, and have a loving husband with whom I want to grow old. I don’t get “anti-aging”. I’m “pro-aging”. I’m living my best life because my fucks are out, and I continue to embrace to find “the truth.”

Additional things to consider:

1. Make birthdays special. Firstly, I’m not talking elaborate, and we’re watching you open your presents painfully. I’m talking about celebrating the person with a cake and telling them how much they mean to you. It can be a small gift but something you know the person will love because they will see your heart. These are the moments people will remember.
2. The routines are good. Kids thrive on routines. There have been studies done about this. But adults thrive on routines, too. Set up a schedule for yourself and watch yourself flourish. Use your phone to set up alarms to work out, read a book, walk, etc.; eventually, it will become a habit.

Turning 50 only happens once

All in all, I hope you take what resonates with you from these life lessons. Since turning 50, these are the truths and facts that I know. And I can’t wait to see what else is in store for me in this life. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you live a life full of joy and get a chance to enjoy turning 50 too.